The product: Bottle Top, which I encountered during my last trip to the States in late March:
The premise: ‘Turn your your drink can into a bottle!’
The contraption: A plastic doodad that looks like the top of a bottle which clasps on to a soda can, imbuing it with it all the conveniences associated with drinking from a resealable bottle.
The pitch: Are you too stupid and uncoordinated to drink from a soda can? Is your lack of intellect so overpowering that you continue to buy soda cans, knowing that your handicap prevents you from drinking out of anything other than a bottle? Do you make a habit of drinking from soda cans that have been left out, only to find yourself repulsed by the lack of carbonation left within? Do you regularly place your open cans in the door of your refrigerator with nothing to hold them steady, then complain about the mess it caused all by itself?
Well suffer no more, thanks to Bottle Top!
The video:
Why I opted out: If I purchased directly from the website, I get a free soda-can-pull-tab-opener. I'm not making this shit up (and yes, the video makes it appear really difficult to open a soda can with just your bare hands).
The premise: ‘Turn your your drink can into a bottle!’
The contraption: A plastic doodad that looks like the top of a bottle which clasps on to a soda can, imbuing it with it all the conveniences associated with drinking from a resealable bottle.
The pitch: Are you too stupid and uncoordinated to drink from a soda can? Is your lack of intellect so overpowering that you continue to buy soda cans, knowing that your handicap prevents you from drinking out of anything other than a bottle? Do you make a habit of drinking from soda cans that have been left out, only to find yourself repulsed by the lack of carbonation left within? Do you regularly place your open cans in the door of your refrigerator with nothing to hold them steady, then complain about the mess it caused all by itself?
Well suffer no more, thanks to Bottle Top!
The video:
Why I opted out: If I purchased directly from the website, I get a free soda-can-pull-tab-opener. I'm not making this shit up (and yes, the video makes it appear really difficult to open a soda can with just your bare hands).
"But wait! There's more!"
"THERE HAS TO BE A BETTER WAY!"
Part of the website that makes me think they don't take it seriously either: "just snap on Bottle Top™ and your done."
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4 comments:
I'm guessing the can opener is for people who have a specific problem with opening drink cans, possibly arthritis sufferers etc. Mind you I'm not sure if an arthritis sufferer should be drinking carbonated beverages, but it's their life.
More interestingly, it seems to go against whom they are targeting with their bottle top product, as a twist cap it far harder for a person with arthritis to open.
The Comfort Wipe still beats both though.
@Gamma Goblin
Oh lawd, I watched the video for the Comfort Wipe. Never before has a more enthusiastic group of ass-wipers been gathered on camera to shill a product.
I'm just glad they didn't employ the standard trope of infomercials: the soothing voiceover telling us that "Conventional toilet papers are so difficult to use", while black and white footage of a visibly disgruntled person struggles to reach their ass crack with a square of two-ply, smearing faecal matter all over themselves before giving up with a shrug.
You put a lot of thought into that alternative b&w footage lol
I've had my struggles with opening cans... perhaps because of nails that are bitten down to the quick.
But, I haven't found a need for a pop-top can opener, since I can usually find a coin to pry up the tab... or, there's always my teeth...
The Bottle Tops aren't too terrible an idea, but they aren't the best in practice. The caps are attached to the Bottle Top by a little plastic strip, so that each time you take a sip, the cap rests on the bridge of your nose. Also, it's a strange sensation holding a cold can and raising the room temperature Bottle Top to your lips.
We weren't able to test the carbonation angle because, really, an open can of beer doesn't sit around our place long enough to go flat.
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