Monday, March 24, 2008

Macs are the Devil!

I recently got a MacBook Pro. It's great. I love it. It's better than my previous Windows Vista based machine in many many ways, and it has never crashed randomly (that's not to say it hasn't crashed, but it was a specific problem that has since been patched).

I'm in the twilight hours of writing a thesis that has a whole lot about Richard Dawkins and Religion (which is due Thursday!) in it, and so I'm constantly typing different combinations of "Religion" and "Richard Dawkins" into Google. Randomly, I found this, and was so overwhelmed with a sense of "who do I send this to first?" that I panicked and posted it on my blog:

the real operating system hiding under the newest version of the Macintosh operating system (MacOS X) is called... Darwin! That's right, new Macs are based on Darwinism! While they currently don't advertise this fact to consumers, it is well known among the computer elite, who are mostly Atheists and Pagans.

Haha. That's funny, right? Good spoof guys... But wait a sec... I don't think they're taking the piss!

Furthermore, the Darwin OS is released under an "Open Source" license, which is just another name for Communism. They try to hide all of this under a facade of shiny, "lickable" buttons, but the truth has finally come out: Apple Computers promote Godless Darwinism and Communism.

Wow. I don't know how this could get any more ridiculous!

Consider the name of the company and its logo: an apple with a bite taken out of it. This is clearly a reference to the Fall, when Adam and Eve were tempted with an apple by the serpent. It is now Apple Computers offering us temptation, thereby aligning themselves with the forces of darkness.

Maybe I spoke too soon.

This company is well known for its cult-like following. It isn't much of a stretch to say that it is a cult. Consider co-founder and leader Steve Jobs' constant exhortation through advertising (i.e. mind control) that its followers should "think different". We have to ask ourselves: "think different than whom or what?" The disturbing answer is that they want us to think different than our Christian upbringing, to reject all the values that we have been taught and to heed not the message of the Lord Jesus Christ!

Religious folk accusing a company of mind-control? Didn't anybody tell these chaps about throwing rocks whilst in glass houses?

Holy Crap! Referring to the recent (obnoxious as all hell) Mac ads promoting switching from PC to Mac, they think that Apple are attempting to convert people away from their religion, as they are:

luring the average, unsuspecting person with the false promise of "compatibility" (both with normal computers and Christianity) only to later foist acceptance of Evolutionism and anti-Christian values on them via the techniques discussed above.

I'm aware that publishing the link when I'm going to quote the hell out of the page almost defies the point, but look at this for an example of the fucking nitwittery exhibited by this religious mind, which is not only factually wrong, but deliriously deluded!

One additional technique that I have noticed while perusing their new literature is the common cult tactic of indoctrination through a special insider language. This technique linguistically isolates new recruits from the outside world, forcing them to become more dependent on their cult handlers. For instance, an industry standard connection for peripherals is idiosyncratically retermed "FireWire" (or should we just be honest and call it "HellFireWire"?) while the familiar Recycle Bin is given its new cult name of "Trash Can". Any "Switcher" trying to purchase equipment for their new computer or get assistance will be forced by this linguistic ghettoization into dealing with the only people that can understand the strange argot: brainwashed Macintosh users. It is then that the process of unbuilding the "Mac Newbie" and reshaping him or her into an Evolutionist begins.

UPDATE: Mere moments after posting this, Fin brought this graphic to my attention, which links to to another website from theirs:

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Lazy YouTube Post, anybody?

Sadly, I'm not as finely tuned to the needs of my regular readers as I'd like, but I thought I'd post this all the same.

I always find it strange watching cartoons I loved as a child with the heightened critical faculties of adulthood. Some fare pretty well, like old episodes of The Simpsons. Others, not so well, like this cartoon based on one of my favourite games at the time, Sonic the Hedgehog. I had completely forgotten about the section in which viewers are taught life-lessons in an incredibly heavy-handed manner, so watching this handful of clips just struck me as hilarious for some reason. Each clip is only 30 seconds, so give 'em a chance!

With the benefit of hindsight, I realise the possibility that I learned to be a stickler for proper spelling and grammar through a blue anthropomorphic hedgehog. I still enjoy watching Sonic correct the spelling of 'Sonic Sez'. I even ripped off his patronising wink and thumbs up.

Sharing is good, kids. Middle management is even better, because you can take from both parties and not actually provide anything yourself!

Sonic sounds exceptionally 'Boyz in The Hood' at the end of this one.

'Special people'. Good for pointing out the obvious. Slowly.

Don't run away from home. But told through a confusing analogy with a robotic monkey.

Sonic's message to Catholic schoolchildren proved too little too late (yeah, yeah - I know - cheap shot).

Okay last one for now, I promise:

He just rhymed "fool" with "cool". Genius.

Bonus: Why Sully is a teetotaller. (Spolier: cos he ain't no dumb-bot!)

Friday, March 21, 2008

Good Friday

There’s a misnomer for ya, eh? Try as I might to wrap my head around it, I honestly don't get it.

Part of the reason why religion and Sully are incompatible beasts is largely to do with my inability to refrain from something for some arbitrary reason. Criminal as it may be, I like a bit of logic in my life. So I ask questions. Questions like ‘why’. ‘Why’ questions are easy enough to answer if the task you’re assigned makes sense.

Unfortunately, these simple answers are not the forte of the Catholic Church. There’s no answer you can give me that will satisfy the question of why Catholics don’t eat meat on Good Friday. Not unless you can find Jesus’ will, and quote the section in which the water-walking fisherman mandates that all his followers, from this point on, will abstain from the flesh of an animal that didn’t have gills, to ensure the economic survival of his noble vocation long after his demise (should be right after the section in which he writes something that irrefutably proves that he has omniscient powers).

I get the whole ‘penance’ thing, I do, but the concept is still flimsy. I appreciate the Lenten tradition of self-discipline, 40 days is a solid stint of self-deprivation - as opposed to this one blip of an inconvenience. It used to be every Friday! I’m glad we whittled the ridiculous practice down from 52 instances to 1. I just hope we don’t have much further to go.

If something doesn’t harm anybody, I don’t see why religion stands in the way of it. Two consenting members of the same sex want to get it on in a responsible, private manner? No harm done. A couple who don’t want to get pregnant use contraception? Nobody’s been hurt there. The killing, stealing, and all that other philosophical guidance from religion is fine by me. The ritualistic practices aren’t.

Just in case you’re curious as to what set me off today, it was my trip to Superquinn earlier on, where the part of the shop that sells alcohol was entirely partitioned off:

I don’t give a toss about alcohol, but I do about freedom. I have no idea why the government ever saw fit to outlaw the sale of booze on this particular day, but I’m sure it has something to do with the Catholic Church’s influence that we’re thankfully growing out of.

Think of all the alcoholics that finally got around to committing suicide today, then tell me that Good Friday is still a good idea.

Tsk Tsk

I feel an apology is in order for the dearth of updates this month - I've been busting my chops (or trying to at least) to get my thesis finished in the next few days. Rather than post something clever to tide you over, however, I think I'll instead post arguably the most pointless blog entry I will ever make (but don't hold me to that).

My friend Fin has developed something of a schoolgirl crush on the people responsible for captioning the pictures on RTÉ's news website, featuring their endeavours twice over the past week on his blog. And rightly so! The pith caption for this ill-fitting photo is so dry I've had to moisturise my eyes twice now since reading it.

Whilst trying to distract myself from this vapour-sapping sentence-construction, I couldn't help but notice a ridiculous grammatical error in the article itself:

Uch. "They was"? Oh really, paid RTÉ journalist? Aaaah - forget it. Rather than launch into a pointless ramble that further reveals the extent of my vacuous, pedantic gittery, I'll take this opportunity to ponder the possibility that I might actually be too harsh on all news outlets, because after all- aren't we all human?

I don't consider it a new leaf, but rather an unwillingness to beat you over the head with the same old nonsense. Decent updates coming soon, I promise! In the meantime - check out the other example of journalistic excellence that Fin promotes!

Sunday, March 09, 2008

Religious Ridicule, get it while it's hot!

Ingenious this.

Didn't think I'd ever endorse a link like this, but check out, where some crafty bastard has put up a video mocking what seems to be the inauguration of the latest pope, as well as a link to

The best part of this? There's nothing underhand about it whatsoever! No hacking or bad deeds, just an enterprising chap who noticed that the Catholic church failed to secure the domain name for themselves!

Wish I'd have thought of it...

Thursday, March 06, 2008

Kicking the Coke™ Habit

I’m not one for religion, or any forms of superstition, for that matter, but I like this whole Lent thing that comes around every so often.

I’m also a big fan of discipline, particularly self-discipline, and especially self-restraint; something you don’t see much of in Irish society, especially where alcohol is involved.

Another thing I’m a big fan of; carbonated beverages. Particularly Coca-Cola, and especially Mountain Dew (Americans and other European countries have access to this bottled happiness, but I don’t, so I resent them for it). Despite being aware of how catastrophically bad it is for one’s health, I still gulped down around 500ml to 2 litres a day, such was my addiction.

I’ve heard zany things about these fizzy drinks eroding stomach lining, messing with stomach acids, and killing sperm, but hearing these things from cross-eyed, slack-jawed, drooling yokels only impaired on my drinking for as long as it took to scoff at them.

You’ll notice that I’ve been referring to my coke-drinking antics in the past-tense. The catalyst for this decision occurred two weeks into Lent, upon hearing my aunt (a doctor of some description), tell me that colas have been linked with osteoporosis. Being a man who likes use his willpower as a means of shitting on people from a great height, I reckoned it was only prudent to avail of this vast resource of resolve and excise Coke from my life! For the remainder of Lent, at least.

So far? Two and a half weeks have passed and I’ve still got a clean sheet. It’s had quite an affect. For starters, my consumption of Coke has been entirely supplanted by water, and since I replaced 500ml dosages for 1 litre bottles, I've noticed a 300% increase in urination. I’ve been sleeping better (could be for other reasons, but still noteworthy), and best of all, my teeth haven’t been assaulted by the scummy residue that Coke leaves in the mouth.

In the interests of full disclosure, I should point out that this isn’t my first time giving up the black stuff – I spent a solid 9 months under a similar embargo a few years back, but my girlfriend at the time eventually annoyed me into reneging on my decision. It has been five years since that incident, and I’m happy to say that it’s a lot easier nowadays, from a purely practical point of view. For instance, that incident I glossed over came about because of McDonalds miserly policy of granting a pitiful 150ml bottle of Orange Juice with a meal that was otherwise accompanied with 500ml of syrup and carbonated water, for the same price! The fact that health consciousness is now fashionable bodes well for cowardly, carbonation cold-shouldering types like myself!

The level of temptation has been miniscule so far, but it’s still a habit to reach for the Coke bottle. I haven’t set myself a deadline for when to finally give in, and I think that’s the ethos I’m going to move forward with. No carbonated drinks for as long as I can hold out... How do you reckon I’ll do?