Thursday, March 06, 2008

Kicking the Coke™ Habit

I’m not one for religion, or any forms of superstition, for that matter, but I like this whole Lent thing that comes around every so often.

I’m also a big fan of discipline, particularly self-discipline, and especially self-restraint; something you don’t see much of in Irish society, especially where alcohol is involved.

Another thing I’m a big fan of; carbonated beverages. Particularly Coca-Cola, and especially Mountain Dew (Americans and other European countries have access to this bottled happiness, but I don’t, so I resent them for it). Despite being aware of how catastrophically bad it is for one’s health, I still gulped down around 500ml to 2 litres a day, such was my addiction.

I’ve heard zany things about these fizzy drinks eroding stomach lining, messing with stomach acids, and killing sperm, but hearing these things from cross-eyed, slack-jawed, drooling yokels only impaired on my drinking for as long as it took to scoff at them.

You’ll notice that I’ve been referring to my coke-drinking antics in the past-tense. The catalyst for this decision occurred two weeks into Lent, upon hearing my aunt (a doctor of some description), tell me that colas have been linked with osteoporosis. Being a man who likes use his willpower as a means of shitting on people from a great height, I reckoned it was only prudent to avail of this vast resource of resolve and excise Coke from my life! For the remainder of Lent, at least.

So far? Two and a half weeks have passed and I’ve still got a clean sheet. It’s had quite an affect. For starters, my consumption of Coke has been entirely supplanted by water, and since I replaced 500ml dosages for 1 litre bottles, I've noticed a 300% increase in urination. I’ve been sleeping better (could be for other reasons, but still noteworthy), and best of all, my teeth haven’t been assaulted by the scummy residue that Coke leaves in the mouth.

In the interests of full disclosure, I should point out that this isn’t my first time giving up the black stuff – I spent a solid 9 months under a similar embargo a few years back, but my girlfriend at the time eventually annoyed me into reneging on my decision. It has been five years since that incident, and I’m happy to say that it’s a lot easier nowadays, from a purely practical point of view. For instance, that incident I glossed over came about because of McDonalds miserly policy of granting a pitiful 150ml bottle of Orange Juice with a meal that was otherwise accompanied with 500ml of syrup and carbonated water, for the same price! The fact that health consciousness is now fashionable bodes well for cowardly, carbonation cold-shouldering types like myself!

The level of temptation has been miniscule so far, but it’s still a habit to reach for the Coke bottle. I haven’t set myself a deadline for when to finally give in, and I think that’s the ethos I’m going to move forward with. No carbonated drinks for as long as I can hold out... How do you reckon I’ll do?


Sully said...

'How do you reckon I'll do?'

Or more accurately, who gives a toss?

Gimpus Maximus said...

Who gives a toss?
Not me
But i'll still leave a comment


Gimpus Maximus