Thursday, January 25, 2007

Spam: Saviour of Human Race?

While clearing the hundreds of Spam e-mails from my Yahoo! (they spell it with an exclamation mark, so I do too) Mailbox, something startling came to my attention; see for yourself.

In case you're like me, and rarely enlarge those pictures, or you just missed it, here's a close up of what I was hoping you'd notice.

It seems that at 10.14pm, Greenwich Mean Time, on Monday, the eighteenth of January, in the year two thousand and thirty eight, the human race will finally be able to communicate with the past! I would guess that after years of government testing, the technology finally leaked to the private sector. The thirties are a desolate place for small businesses, as a handful of dictators control what little resources remain on Earth after the years of chemical and nuclear warfare that ravaged it for over 12 years.

It seems that in this future dystopia, the English language has morphed into something that scarcely reflects the tongue we are familiar with today, as most of the Commonwealth is underwater, and refugees from the various English speaking nations have failed to preserve the language in the form we know today. Grammar is loose and sloppy, and spelling inconsistent as a result.

From my observations on these artefacts from the future, I ascertain that the only consumer goods that will be allowed are replica Rolex watches. Since the introduction of curfews in the early thirties, most of humankind needs to know the time, all the time, but sadly most cannot afford this luxury. As trigger-happy guards of the hegemonic systems of government have lowered world population considerably, these businesses have begun advertising in the past to boost revenues.

This is an exciting time to be alive, as we can now converse with our future selves and learn from our mistakes. Do we use it for good, and see what the next 30 years have taught us about Global Warming? Or do we use it for personal gain, and find out sound business investments and which sports teams to bet on?

My friends, we are entering a brave new epoch of humankind, and with the foresight of tomorrow's hindsight, there’s never been a better time to live on this planet we call Earth.

I’m sorry... This is what happens when English students get Spam and feel like blogging about it... In my defence, I got very little sleep last night, and I do apologise for making you read through this!

1 comment:

Diarmuid said...

Apology accepted. Barely.