Tuesday, December 29, 2009

My girlfriend finds child abuse funny?

Why else would she take such delight in inundating me with deluges of creationist propaganda every time I see her?

Regular tolerators of my ramblings ought to recall my late birthday present - a creationist DVD that liberally plagarised both Jurassic Park and the X-Files in its flaccid attempt at indoctrinating children to creation 'science'.

I watched that video, with the intention of getting a good blog entry out of it, but it was so mind-numbingly awful to watch, and so painfully, gleefully, and willfully ignorant, that I was too filled with despair to poke fun at an absurd ideology.

During my last trip to my girlfriend's abode, there was a similar occurrence; I had just dropped my bags and settled into the bedroom after my journey, when all of a sudden she spun towards me, her voice took on the cadence of a mother trying to coax her stubborn child into eating something healthy.

"I got you a present!" she sang at me with nervous excitement.

For what?, I asked her, wondering if I had forgotten another birthday.

"You'll see!" she cooed once more, before making a dumb sounding "hur hur hur".

With the same frantic excitement that she had announced my present, she bounded to a corner of her room, then threw two children's books on the bed.

I had a look:

"Hur hur hur"

"Tee hee hee"

Son of a bitch! If I hadn't noticed Ken Ham's name, or the use of italics on the cover of 'What Really Happened the Dinosaurs', it's possible I wouldn't have realised what a vile work I held in my hands. I showed it to my brother (who recently became a father), and he wondered what was worth showing him - if I was some religious nut trying to pervert my nephew's scientific upbringing, this book would have slipped past the parental surveillance. Crafty creationist pricks.

I've had the books in my possession about a month now, but as the creationist rhetoric is so unimaginative (and inherently flawed), I only opened them now. Here are a few choice quotes, I'll let you play spot the fallacious argument:

[Page 12: WRHTD]
When Did Dinosaurs Live?
Some scientists think that dinosaurs lived millions of years ago, long before humans lived on the earth. But the Bible tells us the real story.

[Page 21: WRHTD]
When the Flood did come, only [Noah's] own family was saved. All of the other people drowned. You see, boys and girls, it is very important to believe God's Word. We can be very thankful that we have God's Word today - the Bible.

[Page 22: WRHTD]
Did Dinosaurs Go on Noah's Ark?
I do not think God would have brought the biggest, oldest dinosaurs on the Ark. He probably sent strong, young ones that would have babies after the Flood. Remember that many dinosaurs were not very large when they were grown, and all of them were small when they were young [...] Creation scientists [...] have shown that there was plenty of room in the Ark for all the kinds of animals God sent to Noah.

[Page 29: WRHTD]
What Happened to the Dinosaurs?
[Illustration of a medieval knight on a horse, attacking a raptor]
What do you think this knight is about to do? Yes, kill a dinosaur. It is very possible some dinosaurs were killed by hunters. Perhaps stories like "St. George and the Dragon" are really true stories of someone killing a monster like a dinosaurs. For these reasons, it seems that all (or almost all) of the dinosaurs are now dead.

[Page 30: WRHTD]
Will We Ever See a Live Dinosaur?
Well... maybe. There are some scientists who think that there may be a real live dinosaur living in a dark jungle in Africa.

'Noah's Ark Noah's Flood' seems geared towards older children who have already drank the Kool-Aid, as it's both more text heavy and more preachy, (so it's not as much fun to copy text from)

There's money to be made in selling bullshit to people. Ken Ham's cottage industry of creationist propaganda had netted him his own museum. This man has a museum:

My girlfriend is getting into town in two days, and while I'm very excited to see her - I'm a little afraid as to what she's got in store for me this time.


dashoge said...

Not that I want to give her ideas for a present but this box set sounds right up your alley


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