EE11 - Rage Hands On

Day 3 at the Eurogamer Expo saw the biggest queues yet, but I still managed to take in some very worthwhile developer sessions, and I got chatting to id cofounder Tim Willits, who was aptly introduced in his talk as "the nicest man in the games industry" (he initiated a conversation with me and Fin because I was wearing an id Software shirt"). I spent some time with Rage on the showfloor, and here are my impressions:

EE11 Hands Ons

Attendance at the Expo today is at least quadruple that of yesterday's, making yesterday feel like off-season in Disneyland, considering the amount of queuing that had to be endured to get near a gamepad. If only I had known!

Anyhow, here are the highlights from my day is the full extent of what I'm willing to type up before passing the hell out. I'll proofread and add photos later.

Eurogamer Expo 2011 - The First Day

It's been a busy day, and I'm pretty beat, so here's some of the key things that stick out from the first day of the Eurogamer Expo.

Sully's Blog: Eurogamer Expo Edition

The dearth of updates lately is due to a busy few weeks of fruitless labour that has yielded little grist for blogging, but I'll delve into my many failings as a human being in a later post.

I'm writing this up on the Stansted Express, bound for central London, where (after getting lost in the Tubes for a few hours) I'll be attending this year's Eurogamer Expo (thanks to Mr. Fin.ie), a videogames event that's open to the public, highlighting some of the releases coming this holiday season, and hosting some hopefully illuminating panels on game development and the industry from some big names.

Despite being an avid reader of gaming blogs and news-sites, I've held back on writing about my main hobby on this site - mostly because I didn't want to contribute to the overabundance of terrible gaming blogs on this limited internet. Hopefully the next few days should bring opportunities to play games that most won't have played, bringing value to whatever I upload.

That, or come back with a few photos of dudes with neck bears and stories of crippling BO (these notions are based on Fin's experiences in 2010).

If you're interested in reading up on what the Eurogamer Expo is all about, check back over the next couple of evenings and I'll try to make it worth your while. If you see any game or panel listed on the expo site that you're worried I might overlook, leave me a comment or hit me up on twitter and I'll do my best.

Not interested in games or what I have to say about them? Regular programming resumes in October.

"What're you waitin' for, Christmas?"

During my childhood, my lack of athletic prowess wasn't as debilitating as it was to the other kids' social lives. When my feet touched a football during lunchbreak, it generally resulted in disaster. Countless break-times were lost to searching in ditches for elusive balls, or spent apologizing to the girl on the adjoining basketball court who took the brunt of my toepeg to the face.

These things mattered little, for I had a secret weapon. For you see, dear reader, I had Duke Nukem 3D, a game that stood out from the crowd by offering a protagonist was a pastiche of swear-happy action stars, spitting out countless hilarious (and context-sensitive!) one-liners as the bloodbath ensued on screen.

Classmates would call over to the house, demanding to see in person this wondrous game featuring scenes of ultra-violence, swearing, and nudity. I'd fire up Episode 1, Level 2, turn on the weapon cheats, and walk them through a well-rehearsed romp through the 'Red Light District', blowing up the enemies to prompt Duke's taunt of "Blow it out yer ass!", showing off the amount of in-game objects that could be fiddled with (flush toilets! flick light switches! play snooker!), and of course, spending plenty of time in the strip-club using up Duke's endless supply of scrunched up hundred-dollar bills.

It probably sounds a lot lewder than it was - the tone of the game was goofy - the graphics were cartoony, the violence was comically exaggerated, and the fidelity of the nudity would only titillate the type of person aroused by wood-grain patterns. The 'adult content' was the hook, but I played and replayed this game because it's a phenomenal one. When I revisited the game two years ago, it passed the test of time - a feat few other games and movies from my childhood have managed.

The wait for the sequel has been painful - for over 12 years a trickle of magazine articles and screenshots have kept me updated on the game I've waited half a lifetime for, and finally, the end of the wait is in sight.

When I consider the game from a rational point of view, I know that nothing could be worth that long of a wait, but emotionally, I'm preposterously excited to play this game. The trailer came out a week ago, and I've watched it at least a dozen times - this is the same obsessive behaviour I engaged in back in the day with promotional VHS cassettes that came with gaming magazines. Looking at the trailer critically, I don't find it entirely compelling, but then I feel those old irrational feelings of excitement stirring up:



Hail to the king, baby.

It's all about packaging...

My girlfriend does not abide juvenile humour.

As part of her project to break me down and rebuild me as a decent human being, she goes out of her way to admonish scatological jokes with scoffs and eye-rolls devoid of any kind-hearted irony.

Well, dear reader, it seems that I've found a loophole. My girlfriend enjoys Irish culture, and keeps a death-grip on every hiberno meme I bring to her attention. Her retention is quite phenomenal - sometimes she'll impress me by stringing together various Irish words and verbs into an almost coherent sentence ["Dún an madra, Taoiseach!"] - sometimes she'll triumphantly scream "WELCOME!" and point at the doormat adorned with the word "Fáilte" outside my grandmother's house, clapping her hands together in glee until I praise her for being such a clever girl.

The day after Thanksgiving, we were in a crowded mall in Wisconsin, and as a treat for my good behaviour, she let me go to Gamestop for a quick look at games that I had no interest in buying.

One of the more prominently displayed Wii games was on display:

I noticed her hesitate in front of the promotional artwork - she was intrigued. As she pored over the somewhat dark artwork, pondering what it meant, I leant in to disrupt her mental process.

"Hey Kate, y'know what that game's title means where I'm from?"

She fixated on the title, cogs turning furiously in her brain, trying to recall what I was getting at. Once I spotted the glimmer of recognition, I leant into her ear to affirm her inkling.

"MASSIVE PENIS!"

The resulting release wasn't really a laugh - it sounded more like braying - she was clearly finding mirth in something that would make an Irish schoolchild chuckle.

When I pointed this out to her, I got a stony faced reprimand to "Grow up", but it mattered not. The lesson had been learned - if I parse unsophisticated humour in this idiosyncratic fashion, I will hit paydirt.

Operation dick joke is a go.

Jace Hall - Super Playa

After hearing a 20 second snippet of goofy paean to videogames, I decided it was worth my $0.99.

Please, enjoy (in as non-judgmental a fashion as you can):

Zero Punctuation Reviews Tales of Monkey Island

This might be a tad esoteric, but after witnessing this review of a 'revitalisation' to the Monkey Island series I thought it'd be worth sharing here.

Not in the mood for watching a video about a game series from my childhood that shaped my sense of humour? Well, then you'll have to watch it for the splendidly racist portrayal of Irish people courtesy of an Australia-based Brit.

Smut - Nintendo Style

In a few weeks, Nintendo will be releasing Animal Crossing: City Folk for the Nintendo Wii, the sequel to the Gamecube title released in 2002, a game on which my college housemates and I passed many an hour.

The game is a unique experience, one that could best be compared to The Sims, as there are no 'goals' per se, save for amassing furniture, expanding your house, and interacting with the computer-controlled locals of your town (who get very crabby if you fail to lavish them with attention).

As the release date for the next instalment approaches I've been trying to decide on whether I should spend €50 for the same game again, with only a few new bells and whistles. Of course, one factor swinging my decision in Nintendo's favour is the prospect of sharing the experience with my 12-year old sister and 7 year old brother.

To make sure that nostalgia wouldn't cloud my judgement, I decided to fire up the old Gamecube and go through a typical day in the town of Sultonia [dumb names are a prerequisite for beginning your cities].

6.48 PM: I exit my house and check my mailbox for first time in 8 months...

... and find a strange umbrella attached to note from one of my housemates.
The caustic tone of the letter makes me think of happier times. I weep softly.

6.49 PM: I take a gander at Town Bulletin Board...

... only to realise that the vicious rumours about my sexuality are still in circulation. More soft weeping ensues.

6.50 PM: I decide to pay a visit to Mitch's house, taking note of the reminder he left not to pilfer from his peach tree...

... making sure to read the note he left on the door.

6.51 PM: I stop to marvel at Mitch's new carpeting and giant watermelon.
6.55 PM: I take a quick trip down to my basement to ensure rocketships are safe. Once I find something explosive in this game to combine them with I'll bring this town to its knees!

6.58 PM: Finish practising evil laugh.

7.00 PM: I go to pick some pears, but get a sudden craving for poultry instead.

7.03 PM: I pay a visit to the tailor's to try on the latest threads.

7.04-7.08 PM: I frolic in fields in a carefree manner, proudly displaying my new attire and matching umbrella. Attract odd looks from villagers - this look must be out of style already.

7.09 PM: I hop a train to neighbouring town. Forced to make conversation with mentally-impaired cat-looking-dog.

7.10 PM (Sultonia Time): Arrive at Mitopia, which despite being a 2-minute train journey away is six hours behind, so sun is shining. Much like in Ireland, the public transportation is run by monkeys (har har).

7.11 PM (Sultonia time): Meet up with Hank, the inappropriate chicken...

... and Chuck, my old white-supremacist neighbour. He invites me to a 'meeting' of some description, I opt out.

7.24 PM: After returning to Sultonia, whilst walking through the woods, I spot Mitch's prized cherry tree...
... which I take an axe to...

... "Timbeerrrrr!! Bwahahahahahahahaahahahaahaaaa!!!" That practise earlier really paid off.

So here's what I leart from my visit to the world of Animal Crossing: If you give any drawing tools to unimaginative males, they will invariably draw phalluses, swastikas, and anything else of a crass nature. It doesn't mean they're gay, or anti-semetic, it just means they're stupid.

I think I will get the next game, even if it's the same as the last, purely because the ability to visit my little brother's town will facilitate the scientific undertaking of discerning at what age a boy's motor-system will be overpowered into leaving electronic dicks all over an imaginary village.