Now she tells me?

It was my birthday a few days ago. I received a small influx of material goods. Which was appreciated.

My girlfriend tends to get me some awesome gifts on my birth-anniversaries, but more often than not, it's the joke stuff she includes that always seems to be most memorable. Old school readers will remember the Creationist DVD and the vile evolution-denying children's books that she's gifted to me in years past.

Earlier this week, while Kate was pulling out thoughtful gifts out of her (Christmas-themed) gift bag, I was waiting for the self-conscious titter to announce the arrival of some goofy trinket designed to offend my sensibilities. This titter never came, nor did any offending items. I kept my disappointment to myself.

While I was ignoring her for The Sopranos, she asked me why her Facebook feed was abuzz with chatter of the apocalypse. I paused my show for the chance to pontificate, but had gotten no further than 'some Christian crazies have somehow grabbed some headlines...' when she let out a squeal and ran for her backpack.

She grabbed some pamphlets and eagerly shoved them towards me.

"I meant to give you these with your birthday card!"

Click for hugeness

Three flyers, (each consisting of four double-sided pages), and a business card that asks if you've heard 'the Awesome News?'

The end of the world? The Bible Guarantees It! Awesome! This not-particularly meek and mild approach is seen throughout the apocalyptic literature, with another flyer starting with the assertion that 'GOD GIVES ANOTHER INFALLIBLE PROOF THAT ASSURES THE RAPTURE WILL OCCUR MAY 21, 2011' [no emphasis added]. They've got maths on their side! This is science!

Click for science!

My favourite part about this is that my girlfriend hands these over at 22:30 on May 20th, 2011. Not quite enough time to repent, let alone read through this drivel. How did she procure these items? They were shoved into her sister's mailbox. Someone is paying to get these printed and delivered across the States, and gullible people are losing their minds over it. Just bear in mind occurrences like these when you wonder why I'm flying off the handle about harmless tat for superstitious old ladies.

Fear not, dear reader, Harold Camping, the engineer behind these claims, was wrong when he predicted the same thing in 1994, and as he is now in his 89th year, we can take solace in knowing that he won't be wasting column inches for much longer, rapture or not.

A quick curiosity [Apple]

As a consumer whore, I have a habit of checking the Gold-Box deals on Amazon just to kill time, but rarely does something tickle my fancy.

Whilst navigating through the store the other day, I saw that I could 'save big' on previous generation iMacs, but the prices were tantalisingly out of sight. "Add to cart to see price", it exhorted. Fair enough!

A click later, and I'm looking at the iMacs available. The cheapest is marked down from $1099, but to determine how much has been knocked off, i must 'Click to see price'. Here goes!

$1,079.99? It's fallen by a whole $19.01! That's some serious bull right there. How dare you make me click three times to learn that last year's iMac has barely been discounted. Why, Amazon, why?

Click to read comfortably

Oh. Because Apple (and other retailers) won't allow Amazon to advertise a price below the "minimum advertised price", I wasted twelve seconds of my day thinking I could get a good deal on an iMac, then wasted three minutes of yours telling you about it. You learn something new every day.

But hey, if you were looking at an iMac 10 months ago and thought to yourself "Man, I'd totally buy that if it was only 1.7% cheaper" it looks like today is your lucky day!

Remember, if you're looking to buy anything from Apple, consult the MacRumors Buying Guide to avoid putting your tech-savvy friends in an awkward spot when you show them your shiny new iDevice that's three days away from being old hat.

5 Podcasts to make you a better person*

I listen to a lot of podcasts - I often use them to ease the monotony of whatever errands I may be attending to, or to distract me away from the fact that my circle of real-life friends is rapidly dwindling and I'm not doing a good job replenishing the ranks.

In years to come, psychologists will point to listening-habits like mine as a trait indicating mental illness, as my obsessive need to stave off tedium leaves me deprived of any time for introspection, genuine human interaction, or the will to make new friends, since the people in my head are smarter than most people I'd meet in my daily life anyhow.

Today, dear reader, I've decided to share this burden with you, in internet-friendly list form! I'm going to give you five podcasts that I consider essential listening to see if I can't rob you of your thought-organising time too.

The Bullshit Bus rolls into Limerick

Every May Bank Holiday weekend, Limerick hosts 'Riverfest', consisting of open air concerts, firework displays, and markets hocking exotic goods and foods from around the globe. The main timesink is the market, where shoppers can traipse down the uncomfortably narrow road, browsing the stalls and taking in smells and tastes from across the globe. French, Italian and Chinese cuisines and desserts are all within a crepe's throw, in what must be a dream come true for all of those quixotic suburb-dwellers yearning for a more exotic life in some distant locale.

I was there this morning, and while pushing my way through the throng to score some oriental noodles, I noticed a stall set up hocking Power Balance bracelets (and a cheaper non-brand alternative). I've heard of these before, so I decided to take a look:

The box enthuses "As worn by Celebrities & Athletes!"

Power Balance bracelets are silicon wristbands with holographic stickers attached. Sounds like a cute fashion accessory, doesn't it? They cost $29.95 on the company website. What could justify such a price? They sprinkled in some bullshit. These are not mere adornments, Power Balance claims, these are a performance-enhancing tool!

Let's read the display:

So many alarm bells go off when you think about what this notice says. Let's ignore the drivel about this thing reacting "positively with your body's naturally occurring and ever-flowing energy fields", because this is patently wrong. Have a look at the empty promises of improving "Balance, Flexibility, Strength, and general Wellbeing". These are not empirically measured metrics, and "Wellbeing" is a term that snake-oil peddlers use when they can't make direct health benefits, so that can be immediately dismissed.

Your humble blogger, handling bullshit with his bare hands

Let's take a moment, dear reader, to look at the underhand way that "professional sportsmen" have endorsed this product. Luminaries such as David Beckham, Ronaldo, Shaquille O'Neal, and Linford Christie are listed as having "experienced the benefit of Power Balance". Experienced? As in someone accosted them with a bracelet as they politely tried to excuse themselves? That counts as an 'experience', but not one that they're necessarily championing. This non-endorsement however, could be enough to get some hero-worshipper to cross the line and part with €30 to get one step closer to his idol.

The guys peddling these bracelets have some serious nuts. Just have a look at EFX, who saw Power Balance charging a 30,000% markup on a 10c silicon bracelet and decided to get a cut of the action, but with a harder-sell:

"Try before you buy" it exhorts! Stand on one leg and have someone (more than likely the vendor, let's face it) push on your wrist until you fall over! Then put on the magic bracelet and repeat the procedure! This is science! There are so many things wrong with this 'trial' that I'd rather not expend the energy on it. The only truthful statement on this packaging is that it poses a choking hazard to children.

It's no surprise that something like this would be at a market. Far be it from me to opine on subjects in which I have no expertise, but I have pigeonholes into which I place people who seek out such bullshit. Cosmopolitan types who make a habit of going to markets to procure produce at inflated prices for the sake of not engaging in a more conventional corporate environment are the kinds of people who buy into the bunkum like alternative medicine, because they're 'alternative'. These are the belief networks that promulgate fear of western medicine and propagate rubbish that muddies the water about safe, important procedures, like vaccines. These people are dangerous in a rather subtle way.

Power Bracelets are an Australian Export, and thanks to the efforts of some Australian sceptics, they recently admitted to their lies:

In our advertising we stated that Power Balance wristbands improved your strength, balance and flexibility.

We admit that there is no credible scientific evidence that supports our claims and therefore we engaged in misleading conduct in breach of s52 of the Trade Practices Act 1974.

If you feel you have been misled by our promotions, we wish to unreservedly apologise and offer a full refund.

[Click for story on Gizmodo]

When I was at the stall this morning, I picked up the bracelet with a chortle and started telling my friend about the specious claims they were caught out on. The attendant kept her distance. It's possible she was aware of the high-profile fall-from grace that Power Balance had suffered. Had my initial reaction been any different, I reckon she'd have offered to test my balance.

[A scientific breakdown of the claims made by Power Balance are available on Skeptic Blog]

Me and My Kindle 3: After the honeymoon

I've been using my Kindle 3 regularly for three months now, and I've already posted my initial impressions, but as I continue to pick up on tips and tricks, I figure it's only right to pass them on.

When I travel to the states, my smartphone becomes a dumbphone unless I want to pay Vodafone's extortionate fees:

€30 a day for 50MB? It takes a serious set of cojones to call this "Great Value"

This, of course, is totally unfeasible. Since I paid the extra $50 for the 3G model, I get "free" worldwide wireless internet through my Kindle. I was aware of how limited and clumsy the browser was before I made the purchase, but I figured that janky web browsing is better than none at all.

Facebook is fine for whiling away a few minutes in an airport terminal, but the browser makes it a chore. Likewise, pecking out e-mails in Gmail is more of a pain than it ought to be with the Kindle's Qwerty keyboard, but it's good to know that if there's something that requires an immediate reply, I won't be off the grid when I have my Kindle with me.

The true revelation came when I accessed Google Reader - I didn't consider that it would be a viable alternative to a native RSS reader, but it works quite elegantly. The keyboard shortcuts work (press 'f' to get full-screen, 'j'/'k' for previous/next), and the text is very comfortable once you crank it up to 125%.

There are a few shortcomings. Naturally, the pictures will be grayscale, and flash content won't load, so you won't be watching videos or playing games, but you shouldn't have expected that anyhow. Since the browser doesn't support multiple tabs or windows, it will scold you for trying to click on an external link on the desktop-version. If you're intending on reading through RSS feeds that only give the first paragraph, you'll need to fire up the mobile version (reader.google.com/i) to successfully navigate away from the current page.

Don't want to see this? Load reader.google.com/i 

This might not sound ideal, but with a very slight amount of effort, your Kindle becomes a self-updating newspaper and magazine of sorts, which I find very exciting (and much more palatable than paying a few dollars to subscribe to a blog that's normally free). It reminds me of a futuristic sci-fi movie I saw aeons ago that showed old men reading electronic newspapers that automatically updated. Realizing you're holding a piece of the future you once dreamed about is a thrill for any person.

Since a lot of my enthusiasm stems from how this purchase saves me from spending money to entertain myself, I should mention that Google Voice works through the Kindle browser. Setting up a Google Voice number is a little awkward if you don't live in the States, but once you have it, you can use any web-connected device to send and receive texts. This was a bit of a relief during my sojourn abroad, as I knew that if the plan changed, I'd be able to send and receive text messages and figure out a Plan B without having to spend a fortune in roaming charges.

Free texts to the US? Don't mind if I do!

As far as usability goes, it does sting to have to interrupt reading for the sake of take offs and landing, but the convenience of being able to download Michael Shermer's 'The Mind of the Market' from the tarmac made up for that somewhat. The atrocious audio-player feature is a wretched addition that I can't even ignore - while walking through Newark Airport I heard the familiar tune of the fantastic Skepticality podcast. For a thrilling instant I thought someone was piping it out over the Airport's PA, but then realized that my Kindle's Alt & Space keys had somehow depressed simultaneously in my backpack and triggered the playback.

I've been reading through a book I got for Christmas over the past few nights, and I've been missing my Kindle sorely. My finger twitches when I see a word I don't recognize, but there's no built in dictionary to look it up with. I want to highlight certain phrases and expressions but I have no tools to hand to do so. Last night I fell asleep while reading, and this morning I realized I didn't put in the bookmark. I feel like a big baby for admitting it, but sacrificing comfort to facilitate turning pages isn't an experience that fills me with nostalgia. To those who ask if the Kindle is a barrier to immersing yourself in a book, I would suggest that it's less intrusive than a bound hard-copy.

The Kindle is the best way to read a book, and now that I've experienced it, the ways I was perfectly contented with a few months ago seem unreasonably anachronistic by comparison.

tldr: Get a Kindle with 3G, then use Google's webapps to squeeze even more value out of it. It's awesome.

Flyer Foul-Ups, and other distractions

For some reason, having a phone on me at all times just means I end up taking pictures of weird stuff, rarely sharing it with anyone unless I can find a suitable occasion.

I've designed a few flyers in my day. Not particularly good ones mind, but I always endeavour to get the basics right - I may not have the flashiest artwork, but at least I'm consistent. Unlike this flyer advertising additional downloadable content for Mafia II on the PS3:

Which is it, flyer? The 'Made Man' or 'Man Made' pack? While both are phrases used in the English language, it puzzles me that something this obvious slipped through.

I'll get to the next flyer after I clear out some more weird stuff from my phone:

On the impulse buy rack at a grocery store in the US: a "Kid-Pleasing" TV Series. How do you please kids? Suggestive tail pulling, naturally

They have ORANGE Cadbury's Creme Eggs in the US. Can somebody get me a freaking green card already?

Can't afford Penguin bars but refuse to buy a non-aquatic themed equivalent? Seal bars are available at your local Lidl to fill this gap in the market

Yanks covers their cars in moronic Jesus-propaganda to win good graces. "Elect Jesus"? "Jesus Christ - He's the Real King" in Coca-Cola font? Who comes up with this crap and sells it for $9.99? And how can I get on this bandwagon?

Okay, back on topic - the other flyer I want to share is from Harvey Norman. Remember Harvey Norman? Here's a hint - they're conniving, bait'n'switching sons-a-bitches. Let's have a look at their latest, 'Hardly Normal' flyer:

Holy balls! A Nintendo 3DS for €129! I'll be there right away! Hang on a tick - the picture is of the Nintendo 3DS, but the accompanying text (and logo) reads Nintendo DSi Console. This is an obscene screw up, and when part of your business practices involves advertising deals in print that aren't available in store, you don't get the benefit of the doubt on this one, Norman. From now on, I'm referring to such promotional material from your company as 'liars'. Heh-heh.

And thus concludes today's lesson on blogging for people with dull lives. Don't have anything interesting to say? Post some pictures and make some words about them!

Free Catholic Tat. Only €6

Most of what comes through our letter-box at home is junk-mail, but yesterday morning, something arrived that was more interesting than the typical rubbish:

As the bright red text attests, this is a mail-in offer for a free("!!!") 'miraculous medal', which apparently grants the wearer "great graces!". The only catch is you have to order a book about the medal itself.

For €6 (which including postage and packaging), superstitious old biddies can read a tale about Jesus' mother appearing to a French nun almost 200 years ago, in which she pitched a medallion design that sold like hot cakes. This medallion comes "Free!!!" with the book, so modern day dullards can avail of the "graces" that this must-have accessory bestows.

On the inside we get the hard sell, including the hucksterish offer to pay after you receive your wares:

Click for the full thang, in case you think I'm spinning this

Do you want to participate in "the spiritual regeneration of our dear country"? To do that, you'll need "great graces". Maybe you know someone in need of prayers - maybe "in studies or in work - or a special protection - or even a physical cure?" Well, for €6, you can "read about conversions, and broken families reunited, and people and property protected from misfortune... and cures of severe illnesses..." [the source ends in ellipsis - I didn't add that to make the claims seem even more specious].

Since the medal is "already blessed you can begin using it - immediately", along with the "powerful Novena" that accompanies it. How fantastic! The fact that some over-educated virgin has muttered some incantation over a pallet full of these surely raises the value a bit, and it never hurts to add a few "powerful" prayers to the old arsenal.

This is a troubling document. Not only does it leave no stone unturned in trying to qualify its appropriateness for vast swathes of society, but it's hocking a stupid trinket under the pretenses that it grants supernatural powers of wish-fulfilment. Are there Catholics stupid enough to believe that such McGuffins act as a parabolic antenna to boost your prayer power? If all you need to receive favourable treatment from the heavens is a shitty fashion accessory, what does that say about the internal consistency of the religion? Or the value of prayer in general? I know that these superstitious old hags trade prayers like recipes to find one that yields results (my own mother is well on her way to becoming an old biddy herself), but such a cynical attempt to co-opt that process irks me.

This leaflet also came into work, hand delivered by the postman - leading me to believe that these flyers are being indiscriminately distributed throughout Limerick city and county (if not nationwide) via An Post. This is not a cheap way to advertise to young, educated, savvy people, so forgive me for my assumption that this is aimed squarely at the older folks. Something tells me that once this company has the details of these cash-cows, their wrinkly teats will be sucked dry.

And who is responsible for this mailshot? The Irish Society for Christian Civilization. The same tinfoil-hat wearing Catholics who were squawking about the evils of the Lisbon Treaty back in the day, comparing the European Union to the Soviet Union, and generally advancing a "yay-Jesus, fuck everybody who doesn't like him" attitude.

Silly Catholics, believing in fictional entities.

Do you really want to see your grandmother's €6 go to support the endeavours of the Irish Society for Christian Civilisation, including their art department? Get to her house right now and hide this leaflet before the damage is done. (That money is rightfully yours to inherit!)

What to expect when you're expectorating

Warning! This blog entry features talk of bodily functions. Ye be warned.

A Bible-thumper who wants your money?

It always troubles me deeply to see how much money there is in propagating Biblically-informed right-wing twaddle to racist cretins. It's mesmerizing watching Glenn Beck in front of his chalk-board, talking about how atheism leads to Nazism, socialism, and Universal Healthcare, then tying it into an explanation of how Obama hates white people. Ann Coulter shills her bestselling books portraying the American right-wing as jews in Nazi Germany, trying to rally against the oppressive movements of gay-rights, abortion-rights, and rights for anybody other than white anglo-saxon christians. There's money in scaring comfortable fat white people.

Brannon Howse
Today's villain.

Every now and again, out of sheer boredom, I'll turn on the 'Christian channel' at my girlfriend's house to see how long it takes for my hackles to be raised. Venturing into the heart of the echo-chamber isn't a particularly comfortable experience, but I get to learn about a whole new cadre of assholes. Just the other day, I learnt about the existence of Brannon Howse. He hosts 'Worldview Weekend Rallies' - a traveling roadshow broadcast on Christian TV channels, in which he talks about the evils of liberalism and pluralism, and praises Jesus and capitalism. Think of a low-rent Glenn Beck and you're halfway there.

I watched a few minutes of his programme - it flogs the usual canards of fundamentalist nonsense with a forced sense of urgency and a ham-fisted attempt at fitting red herrings to biblical prophesy on the end-times. I can't recall the exact quotes, but the gist of it was 'educated people want to turn your child into a hedonistic pervert'. I'll mine from the sizzle-reel posted on his website:

"Philosophy 101 should be called Atheism 101 - Religion 101 should be Religious Pluralism 101. Biology 101 is more like Evolution 101!"

Worlds like 'pluralism' and 'globalism' are dirty words to Howse and his followers, who can also tune into his talk-shows on Christian radio. Let's look at some choice topics covered in these shows:

• Brannon reveals Bible verses that God will cause someone to die for their continued rebellion. [02/03/11].

• How unions are and the communists work together, how Muslims and Marxists work together and why the National Education Association is run by people that do not carry about [sic] the teachers or children. [22/02/11]

• If Obama sees that he is not going to be re-elected as President of the United States of America will he and his team do everything within their power to destroy America and thus really accomplish what has been their goal since taking office? [20/10/10] 

• Topic: Obama's Reeducation For Social Change. Understand The Goals of Obama's Radical, Anti-Christian, Socialist, Feminist, Pro-Homosexual Public Service. [19/11/10]

• Brannon also discuss [sic] how America is becoming a third world country with the increase in illegal aliens that are taking jobs from Americans, increasing crime, our nation's debt and bringing disease to our country.

The word 'environmentalism' appears 32 times on the archive page, and only six times is it not preceded by the word 'radical'. 'Obama' appears 615 times.

I don't think I need to delve any further into his level of discourse - the guy is an asshole, using this religious soapbox to hijack his audience's reasoning, and to coax money from fools. Let's have a look at what's on offer at his online store:

Tat. Brought to you by America

His website pimps his e-books on the front page and enthuses that "The Worldview Weekend E-Gift Card makes a perfect gift!" His radio shows are free for 14 days, after which the price jumps up to $5 each. Devotional music performed by Mr. Howse is available for $0.99 a track. An atrociously badly put together PC Game costs $19.99, which is apparently marked down from the 'standard price' of $24.95. (Back of the box features include "Sound effects")

I'll assume that these are not indicative of the '3D graphics' boasted on the game-cover

A sister organisation called 'Worldview Weekend Foundation' solicits donations to pay for the rallies (sneakily making 'weekly donation' the default option). To inspire urgency they're called 'Code Blue Rallies' (likely because their benefactors are acquainted with cardiac arrest themselves), and have posted articles like "Losing it in College" and "The Storm before the Bigger Storm" on the frontpage.

Sure, I scoff at these products, but they clearly hold some value to a stupider person, so I can't entirely begrudge Brannon for earning a crust filling this niche. Where things get really sinister is the 'free' offering posted on the front page:

The Truth about Money? A free Educational CD & DVD on Money Truth? It's got Brannon Howse's face on the front - if you trust him with on his religious and your political advice, why not money?

So what is the Truth about money? The truth is you need to buy gold, Jerry! GOLD!

Why yes, that is Obama riding a paper-airplane made out of a US dollar. He's about to crash it, you see.

I'm not particularly au-fait with investing, but everything I've heard from people in the know leads me to believe that it's a terrible investment for all kinds of reasons. That said, tinfoil hat wearing troglodytes who fear everything they've worked for will be taken away by that Kenyan-born moslem in the white house (read: conservative nutjobs) think that filling their nuke-shelters with gold will insure against financial apocalypse.

The info-pack is from a company called Swiss America, who must be giving Howse a commission on every sucker he sends their way, given his commitment to the schtick. A special hour-long talk with Michael Weiner of Swiss America is available for free on the website, and Howse also incorporates pimping gold into regular programming on his radio show: "Utah considers return to gold, silver coins and alternative currency along with 11 other states" [04/03/11]. I think this exemplifies the level of cynicism we're dealing with here.

This subject exhausts me. Every now and again I try to convince myself that people so aggressively against the forces of progressivism are the bitter old pensioners who will throw money at hucksters with backwards, racist opinions until they all die off and the rest of the sane world won't have to put up with any more of the dishonest and lazy rhetoric that pays the bills for people like Beck and Howse. There's money in taking advantage of people who can't think for themselves, which means that people who try to do the thinking for you will continue to pop up on our radars.

tl;dr version: Conservative religious people are stupid and are paying people to say things they want to hear. Stupid free-market.

Dáil Election 2011 Follow-up

For those interested, I've followed up on a few bits and pieces from the Dáil elections:

It looks like outgoing TD Peter Power will need to change his Twitter username...

And his Facebook page username:

And his official website-- oh wait...

Also, it turns out that John Dillon lied to us through song:

[The lyrics page verifies that yes, they rhymed 'mussels' with 'Brussels']

Dillon's gonna win? Gonna win what? You deceitful knave!

And what about our old friend Mike Deegan in Dun Laoghaire? How did he fare?

Dead last. Perhaps the Irish voters aren't as hopeless as I thought.

Battle Los Angeles: The battle within

I liked Battle: Los Angeles. Lots of stuff happened. But that's not what I want to discuss.

Aaron Eckhart plays the lead role. Aaron Eckhart is a handsome man.

Such a magnificent creature. Let's see how he looks in costume.

Pretty good. Now let's see him with his helmet on.

Still pretty good, right? But let's see him under less controlled circumstances.

As I watched that chin, under that chinstrap, I couldn't help but be distracted by what I was reminded of:

It's hard to entirely engross yourself in a film when you're trying not to think of this:

"WE HAVE TO GET THESE CIVILIANS TO THE F.O.B!"

Happy Pancake Tuesday

Some time ago, my housemate's girlfriend cooked us delicious pancakes.

Delicious, penis-shaped pancakes (with suggestive drizzles of maple syrup)

After a brief discussion of what to call them (Pan-cocks? Penis-cakes?) I snapped these photos, figuring I'd find a way to blog about them eventually. Fast forward to three years later. Boom.

Sully Reviews: The Adjustment Bureau

I don’t do movie reviews on Sully’s Blog. At least I generally don’t, but this past weekend I went to see such a wretched mess of a film that I am honour-bound by the bloggers’ code to spread the word.

The Adjustment Bureau, hailed as “Bourne meets Inception” is one of the worst films I've seen recently. A more apt tagline would be “Like The Matrix, only shit” And if you’ll join me after the break for a spoiler-filled discussion, I’ll spare you the time and money it would take for you to find out for yourself.

I'll fight to change your fate and spare you from this film

Me and My Kindle 3: The first month

I treated myself to a Kindle in December, and I started using just over a month ago. I’ve decided that it’s the future of book-reading, and if you’ll indulge me, I’d like to tell you why.


First things first - I'm talking about the Kindle 3G here. The choice of Wi-Fi-only for $139 or the worldwide 3G model for an extra $50 was made for me by the experiences I’ve had of struggling to kill a few hours in various airports around the world. Buying a few hours of Wi-Fi access would cost $50 alone, so I was obligated to buy it.

Why It's Great:


Being able to buy a book at any time is fantastic - often I'll be listening to a podcast with a very interesting person flogging a book. Regardless of where I am, I can download a free sample to the Kindle, and if it makes the cut, I can purchase the whole thing in a few seconds.


This thing reads me bedtime stories. One night my eyes were too sore to focus on reading, but I wanted to get Flim-Flam finished by the end of the week, so I lay back in bed and had it read me a few chapters in a serviceable monotone. (Sadly, some publishers choose to disable this handy feature.)


The (official) case I have has a built in light powered from the Kindle itself, so I can read in the dark. This beats a 'real' book and booklight combo, which I've always found unwieldy. This thing gives good light coverage and doesn't disturb bedmates. At $60, it's quite expensive, but I think the quality and convenience is just about worth it.

Your intrepid blogger, handmodelling in the dark

'Kindle' isn't just an e-book reader - the mobile phone and computer applications are almost as much of an attraction as the device itself. Reading the books on the device is wonderful, but the ability to pick up reading from the last read page on my phone or Mac and have the highlights and notes transfer over might prompt the same revelation in you as it did in me: this is much better than the dead-tree system of old.

Speaking of notes, I could rarely bring myself to besmirch my printed books, but now I've a load of highlighted passages and statistics in my favorite books, available from any device the Kindle app runs on. Neat.

Also, turning real pages sucks. Pressing a button to make new text appear is so much easier. You like watching the 'read' side of the book grow as you near the final pages? Fear not, the % Complete at the bottom of the screen will soothe your soul.

What's not so great:

Luddites try to ruin this for me. A few people (intelligent, charming, progressive people) tut when they hear I'm using the Kindle. Words like 'Orwellian' are used ambiguously, possibly to describe the fuzzy ownership rights of the books (and Amazon did make a major screw up before when they 'recalled' 1984 from users' virtual bookshelves). To address this simply: the Kindle is not a locked down system. It's very easy to find copies of books not available on the Kindle store and read them on the device. When you pirate books (and I have pirated copies of books I own for the sake of science), you lose many of the conveniences that 'owning' the book bestows, but it makes me feel safe that my device won't be worthless if Amazon ever decides to abuse its users (which isn't good for business, so I don't see it happening). Give me a better reason to hate eBook Readers.

Some reasons to hate it:

It's an electronic device, so you have to charge it. I can still taste the disappointment of going to bed expecting to read until I fell asleep, only to find an empty battery logo when I picked up my Kindle. It felt like somebody had taken my new favorite book and whited out all the pages.


It's an electronic device, so I won't be able to read on it during take off and landing.

The Kindle for Mac app in action. Good when I'm waiting for a process to finish and I've a few minutes to kill

The audio playback is terrible. Just because a feature is labelled 'experimental' doesn't justify it being utterly wretched. With no graphical user interface, users have to press memorized keyboard shortcuts to play and skip songs. Want to pause a podcast and finish it later? Tough shit, it won't remember where you were. Want to skip ahead a few seconds at at time until you find your spot again? Tough shit, that feature doesn't exist. This effort is so offensive I think I'd be happier without it.

It's an electronic, internet-connected device, but Amazon stubbornly refuse to (significantly) update the software, instead making users upgrade to the latest model to avail of new features. This particularly stings when considering the commendable work that Barnes & Noble have done with their Nook.

This thing doesn't do colour, which is a shame, but not terribly important for my reading preferences. If I come across a diagram that warrants the hassle, I can view it on my phone or computer's Kindle app.

This thing doesn't do RSS feeds, which is unforgivable. You can subscribe to magazines and newspapers for a fee, but years of internet use have taught me not to pay for what I can obtain for free. There are some hacks and workarounds out there that I'm going to look into, so updated impressions will follow down the line.

Also, you can't share the books. Some publishers let you 'loan' your license to someone for two weeks, but you can only do this once per book. For two weeks. On very few books. What a load of cock. I'm optimistic that market forces will force Amazon/publishers to reconsider.

So how long will this device last?


It's hard to say what it would take for this particular Kindle model to be made obsolete. It doesn't need to compete in any arms races in terms of specs, since displaying text expediently is about the only thing users expect this to do, and it already does this very well (I reckon the virtual page-turn takes about as long as a real one). Even if Amazon released one with a more traditional tablet design, replete with multimedia features, the Kindle 3 would still be relevant as a reading device with no extraneous distractions.

My experiences with my Kindle over the past month have made me believe that eBook readers are here to stay, and I can foresee continuing to use it every day until the battery craps out or I forget to take it out of the seat-pocket on an aeroplane. There's a lot that I haven't touched on - in two weeks I'll be going on a trip with this thing, so I'll get a chance to use it in a less controlled environment, and if there's anything worth reporting, you'll see it here. In the meantime, I would recommend this to everybody who likes to read and is willing to spend money on their hobby. My dear ladyfriend gives herself a hernia with all the tomes she piles into her backpack when she's travelling, so this device might spare her some back trouble (and spare her from buying me any more massage books on the Kindle store).

While I'm ragging on independents...

One of the independent candidates running in yesterday's election certainly has his act together when compared with the less accomplished lunatics also vying for election to the Dáil.

He has a website! He has proof of a previous leadership role! He has posters! He has laid out his policies. He even has an election-anthem:



Why should you vote for Dillon? Cos Dillon's gonna win! The song even says it!

One fateful night, he called to my mother's door at dinnertime. I told him I didn't want to stay long, and he gave me his five second pitch and shook my hand. Decent chap. I liked him. He gave me a flyer:

Neat! An independent who doesn't openly display an easily-diagnosed mental illness! Let's have a look here...

"@dillondelivers@twitter.com?" Sorry John, you just got bumped to #2.

Vote Cretin with a Webcam No.1

Facebook throws up some woefully inappropriate ads sometimes, and I begrudge them for it, but every now and again, it only gets them slightly wrong. Like when it implored me to "Vote for M*** D***an". Alas, he's asking to be elected "as your TD for Dun Laoghaire Rathdown".

I don't get a vote in that constituency, but I am curious to see what motivates this independent candidate, so I decided to stick around and see if he's really "NOT more of the same", as his Facebook page insists.

The Facebook page started on February 2nd. Since then there have been a grand total of ten posts by M*** D***an. He has 31 'likes' at the time of writing, and two of the three posts by visitors consist of someone who (ostensibly) loaned him the tie in his profile picture, and another with the same surname. Of the ten posts, six of them consist of the same two YouTube videos posted and reposted. One of the four remaining posts explains his modus operandi:

"I am running my campaign as did Obama using the internet and personal interactions without environmentally damaging printed material."

This is hugely commendable! An online-only campaign! So where's the rest of the information? Well, there's no website, so the Facebook page is the only information repository. Since I want to know about this would-be public servant, I suppose I'll have a look at the first of his two videos, which serves as a de-facto manifesto.

A middle-aged, somewhat dishevelled man is sitting in a badly lit room. He speaks slowly with a distracted affect, punctuating his sentences with long 'em's and sighs. It's a bad first impression. But let's not discount him yet. He could be the future of Irish politics!

Click here to watch it for yourself (or just read on and avoid the hassle)

He didn't really hook me with the opening salvo:

"This video is me, talking to you. Telling you that much as I don't really want to, I will be running for the Dáil in the next general election."

Okay, the begrudging public servant. It's an angle that could work! Do go on.

"People say "M*** are you crazy?" Perhaps I am"

At least he's not saying anything so far that the audience can disagree with. But why is he going to all this trouble?

"For me. For my family. For my parents, my child. For the future and the current state of Ireland."

Inspiring stuff. He's a patriotic family man who will stand up because nobody else will. I'm on board. But others won't be won over so quickly. Why should we vote for you?

"If you want to vote for me, vote for me. If you don't, don't. That's how it works, isn't it?"

I take it back. M***, you're insane. Such banal lessons on the democratic process have led me to realize that I'm eighty-five seconds into a rambling YouTube video from some mentally unstable internet-addict.

I may as well sit here for the next three minutes and see what other verbal diarrhoea spills forth:

"I'm not going to be putting my poster on every lampost in the neighbourhood or anything like that. No. I'm not going to be doing that."

Making your total lack of a budget sound like a virtue isn't particularly effective M***, can we please get onto the policy stuff?

"Hmmmmmmmmm... What else should I say? What am I pushing? Well, older people is a major thing for me. One day, I will be older, just like you, and I want to address the way we treat older people in Irish society. The disabled also come in under a - connected, similar remit of how they are treated in our society."

Finally! But these statements are a bit vague. What exactly does he mean? And what does he propose we should do about it?

"And then onto the wider picture."

M***, don't you think that you should finish your thought on the disabled and "older" people, (whatever that means exactly) you didn't even go into --

Well, jobs. Absolutely. Of course. Jobs. There's so much to talk about. Job creation. It's difficult to know where to start... The government [says] that whatever has to be done to create jobs has to be done. And I would agree"

Hang on. You've said nothing at all here. And you agree with the government that you're railing against? I don't think that you have any original ideas in your head whatsoever. I think you're just some cretin with a webcam who is jumping on the bandwagon of exasperated people who are fed up with the current government, even though they have no better ideas of how to address the problems Ireland is currently facing themselves.

"Aaaaaahhh further to that. The environment. Some call it climate change, some say it's not climate change." 

Yeah, that's right M***, the discord surrounding climate change revolves around the nomenclature.

Whatever it is, it's happening. It's affecting our world. It's affecting everybody. We have big problems with delivering potable drinking water to large parts of the world. We have difficulty providing food to large parts of the world. we are burning too much fuel to power our - everything, and an alternative needs to be arrived at... Discovered."

What the hell? You're running for TD in flipping IRELAND. If a major Irish industry consisted of "delivering potable drinking water to large parts of the world", maybe this would make sense, but it doesn't. And your magic-bullet solution to environmental trouble is "discovering" an alternative to burning fossil fuels? Shouldn't you be doing that now instead of nattering into a camera?

Let's have a quick look at what else he's been posting:

Good. Freaking. God. M*** got drunk for his birthday. Now he's making birthday resolutions. He's going to turn his life around. But first he'll go to the city. But he can't remember why.

You goddamn ignoramus. How dare you waste my time by populating my web-browser with your Facebook ads. How dare you waste Google's bandwidth with your rambling, hollow pontifications. Yes, jobs are important. So is the environment. If you had something worthwhile to say about it, you would've said something tangible, but you didn't. It's commendable that you're putting yourself out there for your principles, but you've completely failed to show what they are exactly. Instead of making a positive impact on Irish politics, you've just wasted ten minutes I could have spent researching some credible candidates. This pitiful pageant of quixotic balderdash leads me to believe that you're just some manic-depressive desperately trying to give his life some meaning.

"That is basically me."

"Only In America"

I have a habit of taking pictures of peculiar things that I happen across in my everyday life. Sometimes they get used on the blog, sometimes they sit on the computer for months until I decide to do a photo-dump.

What I'm posting now are some oddities encountered whilst on (United States of) American soil, in no particular order at all.

Commencing dump...

Sign reads "Experience Church Online!" Man - that exclamation point almost caught me out. 

Gum Tree at Grand Canyon. Someone put their gum on it, then dozens followed suit. Gross. But kinda neat.

Bear-proof bins at the Grand Canyon