Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Saints and Shitters, Part II

Some three months ago or so, I posted about a person, possibly a priest, possibly a mere mortal masquerading as one, who took it upon themselves to scrawl Christian-propaganda in male public toilets throughout the country!

Two more sightings have since come in, one from my friend, (proprietor of Ireland's Eoghan), who told me that he found it in the (rather swanky) Café on the Row in Limerick. Apologies for the poor quality of the mobile-phone picture, but one can clearly see that the handwriting is unmistakably similar to the other documented incidents.

Regular readers should be acquainted with Dermot, who snapped this picture "in the men's bathroom in the Shopping Centre in Shannon that's on the outskirts of the town". I'm not familiar with it myself, but I am with the handwriting this fine specimen:

Dermot was amazed at the ballsiness of this scrawl, as it is not on the inside of a private cubicle, but on the door as one exits the bathroom. He speculated that to have such access, the perpetrator would have to be a cleaner - this flies in the face of the fact that our perp is extremely mobile, having left his mark in the counties of Galway, Limerick, and Clare, and I suspect that there are many more that we haven't stumbled across yet!

He proposed I appeal for female readers of this blog to write in (preferably with photo evidence) and let me know if they have encountered any such messages whilst powdering their nose (as we all know that a woman's bathroom consists of nothing more than a large mirror they all fix themselves in front of, as women have no excretory needs whatsoever).

This whole thing is bizarre. I have appointed myself as the authority on the subject, and will be determining which instances of Biblically-driven petty crime are genuine, based on the graphological evidence.

I'm currently of the belief that this is an exclusive fixture of male bathrooms, but why? Why are men privileged with having access to the information that the Bible is in fact, the word of God? Other than the fact that the Bible is a tome of blatant misogyny, of course...

One thing that cannot be disputed is that this person, whether slightly misguided or outright insane (my money is on the latter), is the bane of cleaning ladies throughout the many bathrooms of Ireland. I can picture a dedicated sub-culture of cleaning personnel, who live in fear every day that some incognito clergyman will strike with his enchanted permanent marker that is impervious to any man-made cleaning technology. I can vividly see the ashen faces and hear the tearful conversations between the cleaners at their conventions – “I’ve seen it happen to others, but you never expect it to happen to you!” they weep at one another in quiet corners.

That’s what I’m about dear readers. It’s time to give something back to the community.

Let’s get this bastard, before he gets someone you care about.

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