Friday, March 06, 2009

Saints & Shitters IV: Citizens On Patrol

Every now and again, to avoid being pigeonholed as a callous, rant-happy, multi-purpose contrarian tosspot, I try to use my blog as a platform to give a little something back to society.

Regular readers are already quite aware that there are some sick people out there in the world; vagabond miscreants who never venture without their illicit tools, lest they be granted an opportunity to clandestinely destroy something beautiful in the world...

...Well, there’s at least one such person anyway, and admittedly to date the havoc he has wreaked has been limited to marker scrawls in public toilets, but nevertheless, I have made it my business to document the evils perpetrated in the name of this ‘God’ chap, and provide support to those terrorized by this twisted individual.

In the eight months since the last update, there have been two confirmed sightings.

I was having a pleasant lunch one afternoon some months ago in Bean-A-Tí (Little Catherine St., Limerick) with my friend Dermot (who has previously contributed to this noblest of endeavours), when he excused himself to go to the bathroom. Two minutes later, he was showing me a picture he had just taken on his mobile phone:

The picture made my stomach churn, and I felt like a detective chasing a serial killer who had just found the latest victim dumped in his sitting room. The uneasy feeling has yet to subside, and I haven't been in the place since.

The trail went cold for another few months, when all of a sudden, Vinnie commented on my last appeal for more information:
I'm after seeing this written in a bus shelter just outside the Shannon Industrial Estate, I'll try and get a picture to confirm
True to his word, the e-mail came a few days later:
To: Sully
From: Vinnie
Subject: A Priest Strikes Again

These pictures are taken in two bus stops outside Shannon Industrial Estate....the plot thickens!!

The plot thickens indeed! This is the first documented sighting of the infamous scrawl outside of a public toilet. Our perpetrator is getting bold, but now we can start trying to piece together some information about him. For instance:

  • He spends a lot of time in public toilets (possibly a medical condition?)
  • He uses public transportation (note he has been at that bus stop more than once – given the old faded scrawl in the fourth image)
  • He goes through a lot of permanent markers (note the pattern on the third picture which suggests that the ink had to be coaxed out of the pen)

It’s also entirely possible that he’s affiliated with the church that was putting up the flyers at the bus stop – Vinnie (or anyone for that matter), if you’re there again, find out the name of the church, and see if the text includes the famous phrase! I might even call them up and see if I can get any information out of them (recording it for your amusement of course, dear readers).

If you work in a stationery shop that’s near a bus stop and one of your regular customers is an incontinent priest who seems to dine exclusively on permanent markers, let me know! Your days are numbered, A Priest!

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