Thursday, June 04, 2009

Civic Irresponsibility

Do not be perturbed by my recent blogging-lapse, dear reader - it is a consequence of having precious little free time. The hours of my day that would be spent online reading, listening to podcasts, twittering and blogging have been encroached on by petty matters like work and sleep. Much like before, I'm going to have to find a way to 'make' time for this noblest of hobbies.

I'm fighting the temptation to put up a sign reading 'Back in July' or suchlike, but I'll try and limp on a bit longer before succumbing.

Now that the excuses are aside, it's time to address the pressing matter of the European and local elections taking place tomorrow.

I've read a smattering of campaign literature, and nobody seems to stand out as being particularly original. Will I vote for the guy who wants to improve amenities for children and facilities for old people or the lady who solemnly vows to make a priority of catering to the needs of young and old people who have been callously neglected by the fat-cats currently in power?

Teasing out the finer points of a candidate's policy and deciding where to use your vote is a process that works a little differently for everybody. Here's how I decide what to do with the noblest of my civic duties. [And before I start, I have to give props to the Limerick Leader for putting their Election supplement online - even if its purpose was to bilk some money out of the candidates, it's a useful document nonetheless]

Leo Walsh

Not voting for him because: Whilst looking at his election poster and trying to determine whether that monstrosity under his schnoz was vandalism or his actual 'stache, I damn-near crashed my car.
Why I'd reconsider: I can empathize a man who is too busy to tend to his personal grooming, regardless of how ridiculous he may look.

Richie Smith
Wouldn't vote for him because: Stop the apostrophe neglect. It's no joke.
Why I'd reconsider: Richie seems to suffer from a split-personality disorder, and I'm a sucker for those two-for-the-price-of-one deals.

Robert Gardiner
Wouldn't vote for him because: He didn't even look up how to spell the words that comprise his platform.
Why I'd reconsider: In his frothing excitement to get his point across, he seems to have confused the order of his sentences. I think this means a lot to him...

Mary Harty
Wouldn't vote for her because: She couldn't think of anything to put on her ad other than her name and "Vote No.1". So she left it blank. Which is incredibly retarded.
Why I'd reconsider: She could have been trying a bold political move known as 'The Obama', in which the voters project their hopes and dreams onto a blank canvas. I don't think Obama literally used blank canvas, however. (What a dumb bitch!)

Tom O'Callaghan
Wouldn't vote for him because: They set aside a few minutes to focus on getting a decent picture for the campaign, and he still ended up looking like a drunken old lecher having a grand auld stare at the purty gurls across the street.
Why I'd reconsider: Guys like this are always fun to have around when there are large groups of people. Just fill 'em full of liquor, point 'em towards inappropriately young girls, and watch the hilarity unfold!

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