Monday, October 12, 2009

Playing with the boyz

I'm a massive knob for admitting it, but whilst reading the RTÉ report on Stephen Gately's death, I was more troubled by the article's rough edges than I was by the (very sad) news of a man dying at the age of 33.

It was all petty stuff like clumsy wording - they talk about how "his star quickly rose under the influential guidance of pop mogul Louis Walsh". If you want to fellate Louis Walsh by calling him 'influential', that's well and good - but why place it at that point in the sentence?

I'll spare you the rest of the pedantic nonsense (even though article has been revised since, they've still left out an 'is' - kudos to the first commenter to find it) - mostly because I've made worse errors with less pressure to get a brick of text online, but I'll mention this:

The article quoted the band's official website, mentioning that 'the rest of the boyz will be flying out today'...

... and it just struck me as inappropriate. A man has died! Do you still need to use the preferred collective noun that refers to members of a crummy Irish boyband? I thought I'd go onto the website and see what context it appears in, but RTÉ didn't provide a handy-dandy link.

So I decided to take a stab at it.

Not trying to give too much away here, dear reader, but before we continue, I feel it may be prudent to introduce you to the official Sully-Branded Cock-blocker, obscurer of tricky phalluses that may interfere with your Interneting experience since 2009!

You've probably guessed it by now, so I'll see you after the next picture...

You guessed it - is a gay-porn portal. Who didn't see that one coming?

Think of how many young fans of Boyzone have arrived at this site, whilst the official Boyzone website is schlep away over at (even is currently parked and not doing the bidding of 'the boyz'). Won't somebody please think of the children?

Perhaps this is all part of Louis Walsh's masterplan to turn more youths in Ireland to homosexuality. Not that there's anything wrong with that.


Gamma Goblin said...

lol! You decided to "take a stab at it" did you? :) I admire the way you took one for the team, so to speak, and used your head to protect us all from penis induced blushes.

I actually think it's quite sweet that the death of a gay man may misdirect people to a gay porn site. Perhaps his death will act as a catalyst for homophobics to challenge their views of gay people. Kinda poetic really. It's as if Stephen is looking down on us, jizzing on our heads.

Sully said...


I'm an internet veteran! Back in my day, *shakes cane* before search engines were viable (and blighted by brutal dial-up speeds) it was faster to guess a URL than waiting for one to come to you! That said, I had my suspicions that 'the boyz' didn't have their act together, web-wise.

Also, the thought of Stephen Gately's celestial semen cascading down upon us will haunt my dreams.

Gamma Goblin said...

Hmmm you seemed to missed my "back stabbing" double entendre... nevermind, I shall try harder in future.

I had a go at the URL guessing game too... I done found me some treasure!

Jason said...

Thanks to you I now have gay porn in my internet history.

In the spirit of general douchebaggery, I used Gately's death as an opportunity to spring gay porn upon others:

me: my friend was just talking to me about boyzone
check out their website:
Nicole: :O
cant believe i fell for that!

Becki: the singer died just a couple days ago i see
me: yeah, and the tributes have flooded into their website,
Becki: hahahaha you dick

me: Man, boyzone's website is swamped with messages about gately.
Bu: gay....
dont try dat shit on me!
me: fuck ya, good guess?
Bu: lol
not in ur character!

me: did ya hear about that guy from boyzone
Kellie: yup
me: tributes have flooded onto their website, it's nuts.
Kellie: i'm sure they have
me: yeah, it's quite touching isn't it
Kellie: oh quite
me: what do you think of their website?
Kellie: i didnt look
me: Oh, i see

Eoghan said...

I'm so glad I was given a heads up before that one was thrown at me...

Anonymous said...

well how the fck did he die? fisting?